SOOO I have been doing things. I think I have made art. As part of the Creative Unblocking 1 task I have made actions on to paper. I let go of the ego and the concern and the feeling of not being enough. I let it go and just did. I just did work. I let myself have a moment where I refilled my jar. I was just doing more and thinking less. I was reactive to a surface, exploring the things that I was interested in at that moment. Taking risks, making mess and moving on... and it felt fantastic. Is it perfect? No. Am I in love with it all? No. Is that important? ..YEIN..? (Yes and No) This post follows on from my exploration of 'Creative Unblocking' and what I did to try and counteract it The way I worked was to find something that I love and do more of that. I made a giant stack of monoprints where I had explored ideas, had some intention, some concerns to address, but would be interested in the way that I could use marks to play with the surface. How can I change that? What happens if I...? I like that..! That's too.. My work was reactionary and playful. It was a moment that I was in and then I was on to the next. The pile meant that I did not have to be concerned with a single moment , but instead could explore each one in turn. This action was just what I needed, but the outcome was not what I wanted. Yet. I didn't know how I was supposed to use these images. I didn't feel like they were done. So I left them. I walked away and almost forgot it. Then the fire in my hands that had been missing came back. I needed to do something. I needed to do art work so I got the stack out sat on the floor and then just made marks with Oil Pastels. I took one piece from the pile, did something, moved it to the other side. I thought less, didn't worry, but just did something. And then left it again. It was like my dirty secret because no one knew about. I forgot about it for a bit too. Then the fire came back into my hands and I got paint out and went again. I got the stack out sat on the floor and then just made marks with my brush and my paints. I took one piece from the pile, did something, moved it to the other side. It was happy. Yey! You made some Art! Congrats!...is what I wanted to think but it didn't feel like that. It felt unfinished and not art. Well, I am not sure if they can be 'finished'? I am not sure if they are supposed to be 'done'. I realised that I had circled back again to my preoccupation with the support. They were on newsprint- not art paper. Newsprint isn't an art material in my head. And this newsprint was already messy and marked with wax that had been melted off the Batiks that we had made. The fact that it wasn't a clean page was so appealing to me. The freedom that I got from the creation of the images on the support was far greater than the value I gave images themselves because of the support. (Hence the blog post title.) Yet again, I was enjoying adjusting, creating and reworking the images, but I was not sure if this was able to be that illusive 'it'. Oh? So.. I photographed (badly on my phone) show a friend what I was doing and realised that I was interested in the images that I was making, I liked the colours, shapes and aesthetics. So it felt like the support was the problem and that is the next thing to overcome. It felt like I was full circle again. Patterns and fabrics thats where I felt that they belonged. Is it important for an art teacher to have their own practice and exhibit?I was asked this recently and I didnt know how to answer that. I don't know. It's not for me to say what is important to anyone else because of a profession that we share, as that is based on preconceptions that I have. I will say that for me, I do really enjoy that investigation. I love questioning, thinking, doing and reflecting. I see my own art practice as a tool for my development as a teacher, as I am in a creative and reflective space where I can ask 'what if..' but I think that it is more important for me as me. Me as a person. Not a teacher. I love that it is back in my life again.
But exhibiting?! That's a whole other layer of exposure. Watch this space. Let's see how brave I can be.
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AuthorTeacher of Art in an EAL setting Archives
June 2018
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